Tuesday

Truly wondering where I am at

 

As most moms know our lives never really become ours once we have children. Being the mom of 3 boys seems to suggest that I am a “saint”.

What I really think I am is lonely, nuts, chaotic, lonely, busy, afraid, scared, did I mention lonely?

Yes even though my house is filled with noise, games, excitement, arguing, laughing, fighting and loving, I feel very alone. Not because I am a female in an all male house, but truly alone.

Co-ops are not for me. Sure the boys might do good, get to be with other kids, but for me, they just mean having to look at others and wonder where I messed up with my kids. Am I doing right by teaching them at home? Letting them learn how to cook, clean, do what is important before playing? Are they really learning to read? Are they gaining useful skills for when they grow up?

Why am I even worrying about this at ages 6, 5 and 3? I want them to have the best, to be the best, to love the best to share the best… Oh who am I kidding they are boys!

I do want them to learn and learn their way, not the way other deem it necessary. Do they HAVE to be reading now.. no.. do they have to know math right now… no…

Are they learning it, by playing together, cooking, creating, and just being? Yes they are.

So then why do I feel so alone?

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